Friendship Application

Please fill out the following test to be considered for friendship in this season of recruiting. The autonomous individual James Case, who we represent, appreciates your interest in becoming his friend. He wishes he could respond to every application individually, but he knows that is not within the realm of possibility.  Mr. Case gave us this set of questions, which he feels would best single out the strongest candidates for potential friendship.

Part I : List the following basic information
1) Name:
2) Age:
3) Gender:

4)Nationality/Ethnicity
5) Measurements:

6) Hair Color:
7) Astrological Sign:
8) Wonderlic Score:

Part II : Answer the following short answer questions as truthful, graphic and concise as possible

1) Do you consider yourself to be a good person?

2) Would you check my mail for me whenever you visited my house?

3) Are you seeking to fufill any of your own personal needs in a friendship with me? 


4) Do you have a criminal record? Why? Why not?


5) How often would you be available to chauffeur me on my errands?


6) What kind of car do you have? (If you do not have a car, don't bother.)


7) Does the car have cup holders? How many?


8) How vast is your disposable income? What is the exact dollar figure you would feel comfortable lavishing upon me without feeling used?


9) Describe your diction. Imagine yourself reading me poetry or bedtime stories after tucking me in.


10) Describe your experience in forgery, siphoning, accounting, larceny, group leadership, international finance and sandwich-making.

11) Would you be willing to perform fellatio on me?

Questions 12 - 15, are if you answered yes to Question 11. If you answered no, move immediately to Question 17

12) How often?

13) Do you spit or swallow?

14) Please describe the level of enthusiasm and technique of your fellating.

15) Would feel uncomfortable with me videotaping the fellating in order to properly critique your work?

16) Please provide three personal recommendations and phone numbers of persons you've fellated in the past.


17) Imagine I have been bitten by a venomous snake, which will kill me, unless I am fellated. Would you reconsider your non-fellatio stance?

Only answer Question 18 if you have changed your stance on fellatio. If you remain non-fellatio and pro-death then move on to question Question 19 immediately.

18) Please describe your level of enthusiasm and technique of your fellatio under the circumstances of venom extraction. Provide three personal references and phone numbers of fellatio performed in the past under the circumstances of venom extraction, if applicable.

Part III. The final part of the application consists of three long answer questions. Please take as much time as you need with each question, and use the back of this application or an additional piece of paper if you feel it is necessary. This portion of the application will be looked at most carefully.

1)What is your favorite thing about me, your potential friend?

2)Which aspect of your personality would best mesh with Mr. Case's personality? What do you see as being the strongest bind of your potential friendship?

3)You wake up in the middle of the night. You spring out of bed and burst into my bedroom, but there is only a faint impression of my gorgeous figure in the sheets. You whip your head around when you hear my screams emanating from below, I am courageously kicking and screaming to warn you of the events that are transpiring. You run downstairs, and hear my muffled cries of terror from the basement, you try to open the door but there is too much blood on the handle. The cowards holding me hostage are demanding your suicide in turn to let me live. What do you do?

Signature:

Date:

Blood Type:

Thank you for applying to be a friend of James Case. He appreciates your interest and will get back to you shortly. (Approximately 6-8 months)